WILL MY CHILDREN BLAME ME?

Dear Hindell,

I’ve been in an unhappy marriage for a long time and only thing stopping me from filing for a divorce is the fear that my children will blame me. Do you have any advice?

Sincerely,
Hoping for Happiness

Every child responds to divorce differently: some will be angry at one parent or another; some overwhelmingly sad; others depressed; perhaps guilty; or blaming; and most will suffer all emotions at different times. It is important that neither parent speaks badly about the other and that the children are shielded from the conflict between the parents. Unfortunately, it is not easy to control what you child hears about your divorce, but if you pay close attention you can recognize the mood changes and behavioral reactions to determine your course of action. Be factual and comforting when you respond, but without compromising your rules of discipline, the child’s needs, and your goals.

Here are some interesting films which address divorce issues:
• A.C.O.D. (the story of a grown man still caught in the crossfire of his parents 15 year divorce)
• Pasadena (the story of a dysfunctional family, post- divorce)
• Kramer vs. Kramer (the story of a custody battle)
• War of the Roses (the story of a bitter divorce battle)
• SPLIT (a documentary that gives us the children’s perspective on divorce… no adults, no experts… just kids speaking the powerful truth of what is on their minds and in their hearts)

Hindell S. Grossman, Esq.
Grossman & Associates, Ltd.
(617) 969-0069

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