Why Separate and Apart Could Lead to Together Forever

Actor James Brolin recently discussed the secret to his 20 year (and still going strong) marriage to Barbra Streisand, “separate bank accounts” .

According to the dismal statistical world, approximately 50% of first marriages, 67% of second marriages and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. Mr. Brolin may be on to something in describing the key to the success of his third marriage.  Financial obligations from previous relationships including: alimony; child support; college tuition and expenses for children from another relationship top the list of contributing factors in the breakdown of 2nd and 3rd marriages.

Prenuptial Agreements are becoming more and more popular especially among people entering into a 2nd or 3rd marriage.  The idea that the signing of a prenuptial agreement kills the trust in a relationship is becoming less common and in fact provides each partner in the relationship with the confidence and security of knowing that the life they will be sharing is not based on the financial means of either party.

Discussing financial expectations and obligations with your partner prior to marriage may not be the romantic foreplay to a romantic date night that you had in mind, but consider it foreplay to a successful marriage.

Grossman & Associates, Ltd.


Choosing Your Divorce Lawyer May Be As Important As Choosing Your Spouse….

You thought choosing who you would spend the rest of your life with would be the most important decision of your life?  Choosing who will help you will help you divorce the person you thought you would spending the rest of your life may just be an even bigger decision.  Changing divorce lawyers is unsettling, disruptive and expensive.

The worst advice you could take from a friend or a relative is that it doesn’t matter who your lawyer is, “it won’t make a difference you will get what you get.”  Even before filing for divorce, choosing the right Attorney to represent you is crucial to your case.

In order to really judge who the right lawyer is for you, you need to find and interview 3 or 4 lawyers who specialize in family law.  An Attorney that has been practicing for 20 years won’t mean much to you if during their career they have only dipped their toes into the Probate and Family Court once every couple of years.

Once you have identified the 3 or 4 Attorneys you are going to meet make sure you come equipped with questions to ask each of them.  A basic but efficient list includes the following:

  • How long have you practiced family law?
  • How do you approach a new case?
  • What is your approach to settling a case?
  • How quickly do you follow up with me if I call or email you?
  • What retainer do you require up front?Although the retainer should be within your price range, keep in mind that cheaper is not always better.
  • Who in your firm will work on my case and how much will I pay for their time? Ask to be introduced to others who will work on your case.
  • How often will I receive an accounting of my retainer?The answer should be at least once a month.

Make notes immediately following each meeting when your memory and feelings are still fresh.  Important to note are the following:

  • Did you feel comfortable opening up to this attorney?
  • Did you feel intimidated by them?
  • Were they a good listener, or did they spend the entire time singing their own praises?
  • Did you feel as though this attorney would take a practical approach to your case?A practical but more expensive attorney is better than a cheaper attorney with no clear game plan.
  • Were they afraid to tell you something you did not want to hear? 

If in the end you still have any confusion about the process, call us, we will help you!

Grossman & Associates, Ltd.


And the Winner Is…

Sex, religion, money, family – the list goes on and on and depending on how many opinions you are inviting, the list will continue to grow.  The more google searches you do, the more websites you will encounter with yet more advice on what destroyed your marriage.

After over a decade of working with both men and women going through the divorce process, I have heard hundreds of detailed accounts of how and why each person’s marriage ended AND THE WINNER IS…..there isn’t one.

As frustrating and anti-climactic as that news may be – any other answer would be as accurate as your daily horoscope.  Of course there are similarities among all of the stories I hear where there is heartache, deception, manipulation and love lost but often one will fixate on one event or problem as being the lone perpetrator in the death of their marriage.  More often than not this one event is the red herring of a combination of so many issues that were really destroying one’s relationship as demonstrated in “His Penis Extension Broke – and 9 More Crazy Reasons People Divorced” .

The good news is that most marriages are not so fragile and one specific issue will not end decades of a marriage partnership between two people.  Issues and areas of disagreement exist in all marriages whether they are successful or not, but become red herrings when one or both spouses no longer likes being in the partnership.  It most likely didn’t happen overnight, and it is usually not caused by one particular event or bad decision.  Just as falling in love and creating a marriage partnership is a process, so too is it’s destruction.

Grossman & Associates, Ltd.