Divorce can be heartbreaking, traumatic and painful for both spouses regardless of who initiated the break-up. The length of time that it takes for a person to move on and heal from their divorce varies case by case and person to person.
People often believe the overwhelming feelings of sadness and unhappiness that they experience while going through the divorce process are the result of mourning the loss of their spouse and the life they had once shared together. It is not uncommon that we recreate and distort our memories, subconsciously filtering our recollection of events through rose-colored glasses while completely dismissing the negative memories.
Although no two divorces are the same, the breakdown of any marriage is rarely, if ever caused by one single event, followed by an immediate filing for divorce from one or both spouses. The path that leads people to divorce is usually a long, sad and lonely one and as creatures of habit we gradually adapt to accepting whatever life we find ourselves in instead of looking for a happier and more satisfying life. Unfortunately, sometimes the path to living a satisfying and happy life can only happen by confronting the sharp pain of ending a chapter in your life in preparation for a new beginning. Just like ripping off a band-aid, it hurts in the beginning – a lot– and then one day it doesn’t. You soon find that you are able to look forward and not back, replacing the sad and lonely days that you thought you missed, with happy and fulfilling ones.
Never let your emotions make your financial decisions for you.
Family and Friends are excellent sources of support during the divorce process but they can be just as emotionally involved in your case as you are. Turn to the professionals you have hired who are not living in your head for support so your anger and frustration doesn’t end up hurting you financially for years to come when the anger and frustration fade.
Familiarize yourself with both you and your spouse’s finances prior to separating.
This is important regardless of whether you or your spouse is contemplating filing for divorce. You should always have knowledge of the status of your finances including your combined incomes, assets and liabilities.
Make a Future Financial plan for your life post-divorce.
The cost of maintaining two households is much more expensive than one household. Be prepared both emotionally and financially by creating a future financial budget. Putting a pen to paper and subtracting the cost of necessities from your new household income will help you determine what you can actually afford in your new life.
Journal important numbers, dates and events.
Our memories are never as dependable as we give them credit for. Journaling using specific details in preparation for your divorce and during the litigation of your case will be the gift that keeps giving for your attorney.
When it comes to children nothing is carved in stone.
Custody, child support, parenting plans are all examples of the issues which will most likely need to be addressed in the future on multiple occasions with your former spouse or as a last resort the court. Flexibility and accepting change is key in co-parenting and necessary to for your children to continue to thrive.