Recognizing that many of our clients are linked by the common thread of their husband’s infidelity, we responded with an idea to help our clients on a broader level. Energized by the idea, Hindell immediately called three women clients, each recovering from their husband’s infidelity, to ask if they would be interested in meeting each other. The suggestion was met with exceptional enthusiasm.
Fast forward to a muggy, rainy Tuesday evening, when the three women clients met at Hindell’s home and shared an evening of wine and support. Conversation was lively and uninterrupted, as if they had known each other for years. They talked of inspiring songs and poems, fantasy revenge, and private pain. The conversation reflected viewpoints of their marriages…
“I knew something was different in my marriage.
The vacant look on my husband’s face- he was not present.
He felt I didn’t take care of him.
He was never really part of the family.
He was my rock.”
They left feeling rejuvenated, excited and hopeful. In one night these clients realized that the “club” they didn’t want to be a part of had turned into opportunities for friendships, activities and adventures. Within weeks after the initial meeting the clients met on their own and have plans for another weekend gathering. “While I wish we weren’t in the same boat,” said one of the clients, “I am delighted to have such smart, beautiful row-partners.”
Psychology Today’s recent article, This is Why Betrayal Hurts So Much, explains that betrayal involves “giving your trust to a person who turned out not to be worth of it…and that people conspired against you without letting you participate in the decision”. The problem that each of these client’s faced was not just the personal betrayal, but also that they lacked the outlet to speak about the feelings associated with betrayal. How do you talk to a friend, a family member or a colleague who has not felt the betrayal on the same level as you have? Friends and family are supportive of you, but can they truly relate to how the betrayal made you feel?
As the article advises, “We can’t change the situations that provoke our negative emotions, but by redefining the way we view them, we can eventually find fulfillment in changing our emotional responses.” By meeting, commiserating, consoling, and celebrating, these clients were offered a path to a new life- the light at the end of the tunnel- and feel hope again.
Grossman & Associates, LTD. 617-969-0069