PICKING YOUR BATTLEGROUNDS

The Analysis:

From time to time issues will arise during your divorce that put you and your spouse on opposite sides. The possible areas of conflict are endless. Do you stand firm on all issues to maintain your integrity?  Must you stand firm to prove your strength and resolve?  Are you standing firm for your children, or does it have more to do with something between the two of you?

The Recommendation:

During divorce, communication between you and your spouse becomes an exercise in frustration.  You may find yourself wanting to distance yourself from the conflict.  You may want to rely more on your attorney or mediator to communicate with your spouse, through his/her attorney.  Not only is this expensive, but it creates a situation which discourages the spouses from speaking with one another.  If you have children to discuss, this type of four party communication is impractical at best.  It’s better to set up ground rules and meet periodically in a public place to resolve issues between you.  These meetings will not be 100% successful in your favor; you may have to compromise on some issues, and hopefully so will he/she.  Before the meeting, pick the battles which are the most important to you and gear the negotiation to compromise on those which are less important.  Let your spouse “win” on a few issues which matter less to you, but remember that what you feel may be a generous offer from you may never be reciprocated.  Your compromise does not guarantee reciprocal compromise.  Giving something does not guarantee you will get in return.  If you expect this, you will be disappointed.